Sometimes I just wanna cry....

Title makes this self explanatory.... but...

Sometimes I do just want to cry. I go around, keeping up a strong and somewhat happy front.  I help everyone else with whatever they are dealing with as much as I can. Whether as just a shoulder, advise giver or a listener.... They have gone before me most of my life.

Even when put in therapy, I would just stay quiet, thinking that what I feel and what I say wasn't important.

I am no where near saying that my life is one of the worst. I find myself somewhat lucky and much better than some of the lives out there. Though as good as it can be seen to some, to others my life has been hard. Yet I keep it all in and go day by day pretending that its nothing but a dream...

So this is just my once in a while venting  entry with just a bit on how I feel.... Just a bit

Online you would never guess it, but I am a lonely person. In school I have a few select friends that dont care about the 'monster' or 'beast' that I have been called.  I went through  fights that I didnt start, school transfers and expellations as well as many deaths I had to deal with. Though I have told people briefly of it, I kept most of it to myself... Especially on how i felt towards it.

I just kept it all in when my father died, which was 10 years ago. I went through school struggling and such, keeping what I had experienced inside and everything. My brother, Damien, resented and blamed me for our fathers death. So he made sure to make my life hell by scheming things and starting rurmours that would bring about violence in the peop,le he told. The fights got bad enough for me to be sent to my older sisters place and go there for school with my niece.

Though the district found out that I really still had a residence back in Brentwood... So I was kicked out and forced to return there after 3  1/2 years in the other school. I can assure you though, I did not get a warm welcome. So I dealt with the fights and framing that the students and my brother put up on me. Getting suspended a fe times and such. Though because of that, I just kept everything tighter inside to seem strong and went into my studies somewhat to feel like I can accomplsh something.

So now here I am, 50 something deaths/murders/suicides later and 104 attempts.... I still keep everything in.... Except for this rare occasion in which I do let out some of the pain causers....

So.... Can a  broken image be put together again?
Can the stone indeed cry tears of blood?
Can a shattered window regather all of its shards?
Can a diamond ever be the same as an Opal?

Maybe I'm thinking too much or venting too much......

Well there are my measely thoughts.... ._. see ya's...